Did you know that the leading cause of conflicts in couples' relationships is money?
Finances (including short-term goals, budgeting and long-term financial management) can be a major source of stress in a relationship, yet many couples never have a real conversation about money before they commit to each other. If you want to avoid fights in your relationship, start having those conversations about money!
We're sure you're thinking, "Easier said than done!" So here's a guide to having a productive, calm conversation about money with your special person. Done properly, these conversations can reduce stress in your relationship and make your home life happier!
Timing Matters!
Having a real, honest conversation about money is something you need to plan, and it's not something you should only do once. Your priorities, goals and wants will shift over the years, so this is a conversation you should have multiple times. At the same time, you shouldn't expect to cover every topic and come to an agreement on them in one evening.
To have a productive opening conversation, you need to sit down together at a time when neither of you are stressed, tired or too distracted by other things. Scheduling a time of just half an hour once a month can make a real difference!
How to Start
The beginning of your conversation should be positive, talking about your shared goals and what each of you wants. (While we'd all love to win the lottery, these goals and wants should be realistic and achievable.) Starting from a common ground sets up the conversation to focus on teamwork and solving problems, not just blaming the other person.
This is also a good time to talk about your relationship with money when you were a child. Was money something your family worried about a lot? Was it a cause of stress? Or, were your parents wealthy and maybe used money to solve problems? How is your life different now than it was when you were young? How do you think that affects how you think about money now?
Understanding how the other person was raised and their long-term relationship with money can help you understand where they're (literally) coming from in your conversation.
How to Tackle Individual Topics
Each of your money conversations should focus on a topic, such as current spending habits, retirement, goals for travel or education, managing debt. Don't try to talk about all of them all at once! In addition, keep in mind that you want to work toward solving challenges together. With that in mind: Try to avoid using "You always..." or "You never..." statements. Don't get too wrapped up in the details of individual purchases if you're talking about spending. Instead, ask questions such as "How can we address this together?" or "What feels manageable to you?" Remember, you're looking for solutions, not trying to score points!
Look at Facts, not Feelings
Money can be an emotional topic! It can bring up dreams, wants, fears and frustrations all at once. When you're having your money conversations, try to put those feelings aside a little bit and put more focus on the actual numbers. How much debt do you have, and what is a realistic way to cut that down without either person taking all the blame or being punished for it? How do you move forward together with a budget that you can both work with and stick to? Numbers are your friend in these conversations!
Need help?
We aren't relationship experts, but we are financial experts! Once you have conversations about your shared goals and concerns, it's ok to come talk to one of our certified financial professionals about budgeting, investing, spending, saving, or how to reach your goals. It's easy to set up an appointment by calling us, sending us a message through online banking or even stopping by a branch.
