Did you know that one of the most common sources of conflict in relationships is money?
Money can be a stressful and sensitive topic, especially when you don't feel like you have enough of it!
Before you bring up any financial topic with your partner, here are a few things to remember:
Choose the right time and place. You should schedule some dedicated time to talk about money. Choose a time that works for both of you where you'll be free of distractions, not too tired and not in a rush. You should talk in a private, quiet location.
Know what you want to talk about. You should have a couple of topics to focus on, pre-selected, and agreed upon in advance so both of you can think before your conversation. Some examples might be talking about spending habits, financial goals, savings or how to handle a big expense.
Whether you're thinking about getting married or you've been married for years, it's super important to talk about finances openly and honestly.
But "finances" is a big subject with a lot of different factors. If you haven't had many financial conversations in the past, here are a few conversation starters that can help:
Your Money Mindset and Upbringing — Every family handles money differently, and the way your household handled money may be very, very different from the way your partner grew up! A few questions you can ask:
- How was money handled in your household growing up?
- What emotions come up for you when you think about money—stress, security, freedom, guilt?
- Are you naturally a saver, a spender, or somewhere in between?
Shared and Individual Financial Goals — You should make sure that you and your partner are aligned on goals, or at least understand what the other person is trying to achieve! That understanding can go a long way toward avoiding conflict. A few questions you can ask:
- What are our top 3 financial priorities in the next year?
- Where do we want to be financially in the next 10 years?
- What does “financial success” look like to each of us?
Roles and Responsibilities — In a lot of partnerships, someone is more big picture-oriented and the other person is more detail-oriented. Maybe paying bills really stresses out one partner, and the other partner is more suited to being responsible for that, while the other partner handles big-picture items like "retirement planning."
Ask each other:
- How do you think we should divide expenses? How should that change if incomes change?
- Who should manage the day-to-day money things?
- How much autonomy should we each have with personal spending, and are there spending limits beyond which we should talk to the other person?
If you're still a little uncomfortable, you and your partner should make plans to watch the replay of our “Marriage & Money.” That way, you can both listen and get advice before having a conversation on your own.
No matter where you are in your partnership, we want you to be financially successful. Let us know how we can help with these tough conversations, with budgeting, saving, investing and more. We're here for all of it!
